From trash to class: Grading the new 2018 MLS kits

Onefootball Blaise Bourgeois

Some teams get it so so right, while other teams seemingly only get advice from children. We at Onefootball cracked a couple cold ones and voiced our (PG) opinions on each of the brand new MLS kits for 2018.

Atlanta United:  “Atlanta’s kits look like shirts that American Life Insurance would make their employees wear to a company picnic.”   B-

 

Chicago Fire:  “They just dipped a shirt into red Valspar paint.”  C

Colorado Rapids:  “The addition of the Colorado state flag is dope – but I can’t get behind a team that uses the slogan “bleed burgundy.”  C+

Columbus Crew:  “The B+ luxury car sponsor fits incredibly well with the B+ luxury jersey. I’d buy it.”  B+

D.C. United:  “Lots of reasons to avoid D.C. right now. This isn’t one of them. Top-5 kit easily.”  A-

FC Dallas:  “I’d use the kit as a rag, but I wouldn’t want my table getting any dirtier.”  D+

Houston Dynamo:  “I don’t know what a Dynamo is, but I want to. Best kit in the league, hands down. Reminds me of the Germany kit. ” A+

Los Angeles Football Club:  “Simple. Elegant. Looks like a kit you pack in FIFA. What’s YouTubeTV?”  B

Los Angeles Galaxy:  “Remember that awful 2010 USA World Cup jersey?  Yeah……….”  C-

Minnesota United:  “I would never go to Minnesota, but I’d rock the hell out of this kit. Only Houston’s is better.”  A

Montreal Impact:  “Burn it. This would be a crap jersey in FIFA 97.”  F

New England Revolution:  “Tom Brady wouldn’t wear this.”  C+

New York City Football Club:  “They’ve encapsulated NYC in one shirt: overpriced, kinda ugly, and definitely not in-style a year from now.”  D+

New York Red Bulls:  “Jay-Z would definitely wear this on stage.”  B+

Orlando City:  “This sucks. Is this really the best they could have done?”  D

Philadelphia Union:  “If Bimbo’s a sponsor, it’s officially a dope kit right? Those snakes are MEAN.” A-/B+

Portland Timbers:  “Only the hipsters in Portland could consistently make such beautiful jerseys from such awful colors.”  A-

Real Salt Lake:  “I don’t know why this works, but RSL always makes it pop.” B

San Jose Earthquakes:  “This is just a slightly better Montreal jersey.”  D-

Seattle Sounders:  “How’d they manage to mess this up? The best colors in the league and they produce straight vomit.” D+

Sporting Kansas City:  “Sleek. Stylish. A button. These are nice. I wouldn’t buy one though.”  B-

Toronto FC:  “These could BMO complex. The gold star and the maple leaf are fantastic touches. Fit for a champion.” B

Vancouver Whitecaps: “Sporting KC’s jersey on steroids. That kit texture is FIRE.” B+